Thursday, February 23, 2006

Opening Scene from Peter Jackson's 2006 remake of On The Waterfront

Tarik: Josef! Josef Ali Mohammed Ali!

Josef: In the name of all that is holy in The Prophet's beloved eyes, what do you want?

Tarik: I have one of your birds. I recognized him by the band.

Josef: It must be Al Suqami. I lost him in the last race against the Zionists from across the river.

Tarik: He flew into my coop in this unclean state. Do you want him?

Josef: I have to watch over myself with the help of the Prophet these days. The imams are handing down fatwas like there was no tomorrow. You know what I mean?

Tarik: Do not worry. I will take him up to your loft.

Josef: Okay. I will see you on the roof.

[Tarik releases the bird and it flies toward the roof, where two ominous figures lurk in the shadows. Cut to Tarik as he joins his brother Khalid and other friends outside of a mosque.]

Nawaf: You have done your sacred duty in the name of Allah and the beloved prophet?

Tarik: He is up on the roof.

Nawaf: The pigeon?

Tarik: Yes, it worked, thanks be to Allah.

[They react to a scream. Cut to Josef's body falling from the roof.]

Waleed: I think someone has fallen from the roof, Allah be praised.

Nawaf: He adopted the decadent imperialism of the Great Satan. Bred racing pigeons to compete against those of the Zionist vermin across the river where Usama Bin Laden, beloved of the prophet, bleessings and peace be upon him, scored our most sacred victory. He thought he could subscribe to the Playboy Channel, to indulge in spirits. We have weapons and warriors to import and Josef thinks it is time to party. He betrayed jihad. He betrayed the beloved prophet. He betrayed Usama Bin Laden. And his pigeons never win against those of the Jewish filth. They laugh at us in the streets of Jerusalem.

Tarik (obviously upset): I thought they would talk to him.

Khalid: That was the idea.

Tarik: I thought they would talk to him about the paths of righteousness and jihad …

Khalid: Perhaps he argued with them.

Tariq: I thought the worst they would do was cut off one of his sister’s fingers and feed it to a dog in front of the whole family.

Khalid: As I said, perhaps he gave them an argument.

Waleed: He has been giving the Imam many arguments of late that have not been consistent with the teachings of our Lord Mohammed, blessings and peace be upon him.

Tariq: But one is not supposed to argue with the Prophet's teachings ... [Pause] He was not a bad suicide bomber in training, that Josef.

Nawaf: He was a spawn of corruption. He was an incubus of the foul and depraved western culture that will spread among the blessed and pure of the Prophets’ followers unless stopped.

Waleed: And he could not fly.